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A Friday List
Having been quarantined with my two kids, aged four and two, for a solid few weeks now, I have seen bits pieces of Disney’s Frozen II nearly two-dozen times already. I hum the songs all day and dream about them during what little sleep I get. It is far and away the worst element of this quarantine for me (at least until all the death starts really ramping up here soon).
And so I have written alternate lyrics to the chorus of “Lost...
The Enquirer-USA TODAY NETWORK via Imagn Content Services, LLC
Perhaps a signal of how the early schedule will be formed?
There is far, far more about how the 2020 MLB season will take shape that remains unknown than there is information concretely describing how it will play out. As the COVID-19 pandemic continues to take command of our every sense and effort at the moment, it remains clear that the season is still a) very far away from commencing and that b) if and when it does, it will...
Photo by Peter Summers/Getty Images
Just shaking hands with the devil over here.
Opening Day was yesterday. But it wasn’t. At least we got to watch a lot of old baseball games to pass the time. How about this guy, though? Maybe don’t boast about shaking hands with sick people, lest you get sick yourself.
Photo by Bobby Ellis/Getty Images There is baseball on our brains, yet none for our eyes to process. Findlay Market sits towards the northern end of Cincinnati’s Over-The-Rhine, just a block over from the technical boundary with the city’s West End. Most years, that section of town is rocking right now, as the annual parade to celebrate the Reds on Opening Day typically clamors its way down Elm Street towards where the Reds now ply their trade on the banks of the Ohio River. Most...
Photo by Jean Baptiste Lacroix/WireImage
Let’s see if a Weird Al reference can get ‘tHan to come back
Did you see what Tito Ortiz had to say? He seems pretty stupid. Stupid enough to get a shout out on this stupid thing, anyway.
Reds first baseman Joey Votto is no doubt one of the most successful position players in the history of baseball. The 36-year-old is a six-time All-Star and a onetime National League Most Valuable Player who, since he made his major league debut in 2007, has amassed 56.2 fWAR and batted .307/.421/.519 in 7,372 plate appearances. Votto ranks 27th all-time in wRC+ (151), placing him within striking distance of such luminaries as Willie Mays, Frank Robinson, Hank Aaron and Joe DiMaggio, and an...
Photo by Alex Trautwig/MLB via Getty Images Baseball...remember that? Just barely over a year ago, Cincinnati Reds 2B Scooter Gennett tried to move a little too quickly for a Cactus League grounder, giving himself a groin injury that has more or less wrecked his career, in hindsight. While that was devastating at the time to a Reds club that had finally been active in trying to get better and win games, it opened the door for a former Miami Marlin who, to that point, was no owner of a roster...
Buddhism understands the true nature of stupid
Stupid Spring Break Kid for President 2020! At least he’s smart enough to admit that he is stupid.
Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images
Looking back on the single greatest feat of dingerage in the history of dingers.
The morning of August 10th, 2004 was innocuous enough for Cincinnati Reds fans. The sheen on Great American Ball Park was still novel enough, and fans were still going to pack the park before school got back to business. The Reds had been 50-44 as recently as July 20th, but a brutal slide that saw them lose 11 of 12 pretty well torpedoed any chance the season would end up a...
So many stupids today, how can we choose?
The Daily Stupid is brought to you in part by a paper sack full of wet rocks. Who is the idiot who put all these rocks in this bag, and why are they are all wet?
Today’s Stupid is the mayor of Denver, some idiot named Michael Hancock. He’s wearing that stupid fleece zippy in the picture.
We don’t know if or when the 2020 Major League Baseball season will begin, but should it occur, the Reds will enter the campaign as one of the most interesting teams in the game. You wouldn’t normally say that about a club in the throes of a six-year playoff drought, or one that hasn’t even posted a .500 season during that span, but the Reds made a spirited effort to upgrade their roster over the winter. Cincinnati’s additions figure to help the team in what could be a wide-open...
To answer your question, no, I am not kidding.
This is an incomplete list of baseball names you can sing to the catchy, brilliant hook of Sade’s “Smooth Operator.” Some are more naturally in-line syllabically than others, but when times are tough, you can make all of these work.
I suggest you file this away for future reference when someone inevitably chooses to quiz you on the topic.
The list:
Bob Apodaca (pictured)
Jose Canseco
Bronson Arroyo
Ken Griffey, Jr.
Bobby Abreu
Jason...
Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images
Monday isn’t as scary when you’ve lost all track of time.
The other day, my wife and I were walking the dog. I was pushing the stroller with our three-month old in-tow while she had the dog on the leash. Our dog saw a couple squirrels down the hill, so naturally she decided to chase them up a tree. She weighs about 65 lbs so she has some power and drug my wife down the hill with her. As I’m laughing at/yelling to my wife to drop the leash, I notice...
Photo by Rob Foldy/Miami Marlins via Getty Images
Being forced to look back for old baseball memories unearthed a glimpse back at other times of yore. Pizza times of yore, mainly.
Time, of course, is a social construct. Giving time names, numbers, and shape is something we tried to do it, as if we were somehow its master.
Routine, though, is not. Without names or hours or seconds, that fiery orange blob of space-gas is going to microwave us at roughly the same time tomorrow as it did...
It’s Saturday...I think. The story of elite starting pitching throughout the great history of the Cincinnati Reds is, surprisingly, a quite short one. Despite the city having hosted professional baseball longer than any other on the planet, the Reds themselves still boast nary a single Cy Young Award winner, and have only had a handful of near misses. Some of that, of course, is due to the CYA not being around until 1956, which means the brilliant exploits of Bucky Walters often get...
Amidst all the tragedy and misfortune being caused by COVID-19, one tiny silver lining in the baseball world is that the delayed start to the season gives injured players more time to recuperate. One such player is Reds third baseman Eugenio Suarez, who underwent right shoulder surgery in January. Bobby Nightengale of the Cincinnati Enquirer spoke to Reds manager David Bell about various injured Reds players and how they are handling their rehab programs in isolation. (The team shut down...
Denver Post via Getty Images
A Friday list.
This is a list of some good, above-average names in the illustrious history of the Cincinnati Reds fighting baseball academy. It might well be incomplete, there are zero parameters for inclusion, it’s subjective as hell, and it is certainly not in order, but that’s a metaphor for the times in which we find ourselves, I’d imagine.
A list:
Shad Barry (1905-1906) - He reportedly wore a beret. The kind you find at a second-hand store.
Wingo...
Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images
This guy is our Daily Stupid for Friday, March 20
The Daily Stupid is sponsored in part by leg cramps. Damn, them leg cramps is stupid!
Senator Richard Burr of North Carolina is stupid today! And what a stupid he is! Senator Burr, please stop using that customer satisfaction survey postcard as dental floss and take a bow for us.
Photo by Norm Hall/Getty Images
Is anything stupid happening today?
Red Reporter is proud to present a new feature of this here award-winning universally revered bloghole: The Daily Stupid. We want to create a dedicated space for the patrons of this fine establishment to discuss topics both stupid and kinda stupid.
So what’s stupid today?
An unnamed employee from the Reds’ spring training facility in Goodyear, Ariz., has tested positive for COVID-19, the team announced Wednesday. This person “worked only in the training complex,” the Reds added. The club’s now testing any member of its staff who came in close contact with the employee from Feb. 29 through March 14. Those individuals have been self-quarantined. The Reds share their spring training ballpark with the Indians, though there’s no indication that any...